YAOI TALK SHOW
by bleachfreakcrazydrawer237
Summary: Ichigo goes on a talk show to find out why all of the male soulreapers and espadas sexually harass him, the host is none other than urahara kisuke and womens association. Yaoi eventual uraichi. Urahara/ichigo
1. Chapter 1

HELLO, THIS IS MY FOURTH FANFICTION AND I'M HOPE YOU LIKE IT. I ALSO HOPE YOU READ MY OTHER STORIES, IF YOU READ AND ARE WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED TO 'SHORT TEMPERED AND HIGH NOBILITY' THEN DON'T WORRY. I AM BRINGING IT BACK,IT WAS DELETED DUE TO THIS TABLET'S STUPIDNESS BUT I FIXED THE PROBLEM. ANY WAY, ENJOY.

Description: Ichigo goes on a talk show with the espada and soulreapers to find out why everyone is sexually harassing him, hosted by none other than the womans association/ kisuke urahara.

Pairing:eventual uraichi (urahara/ichigo) yaoi

CHAPTER 1 of 20

"Welcome back to," starts the assistant helper as the crowd finishes the statement,"DR KISUKE AND WOMEN'S ASSOCIATION MATURE AND SEXUAL PROBLEM SOLVERS!" The crowd cheers loudy and continues for a few minutes until the assistant voices out,"Now let's bring out the man himself,...Kisuke Urahara!" Crowd goes even crazier than before and one girl even flashes him her breasts. Her long orange hair and busty chest stick out in the crowd as her blue lustful eyes lock onto her target. A blonde haired beauty walks out from a hidden door and waves at the energetic crowd. He stops when he notices said female winking at him,' how nice' he thought, finally taking his seat.

"Let's not forget the wonderful women's association who will be chatting about all they heard, while giving their oppinions towards the end of the show. Let's introduce them, shall we? Unohana," a quite polite woman with a long braide under her chin waves to everyone." Matsumoto Rangiku" The female woman who flashed kisuke arose from the crowd and took her seat after fixing her shirt properly. She winks to the crowd, causing the men to faint in the audience while getting nose bleeds. "Yachiru" a pink overly excited child jumps up and down on their round table while giggling,"hehehehe...this is fun, if only ken-chan was here!" "Kuchiki Rukia," a short and petite raven haired woman held out peace sighns and threw chappy stuffed animals to the audience from a santa bad sitting infront of her."kiyone" a girl with short light brown hair just giggled while smiling brightly at the camera. "Yoruichi shihon" a slim, tall, and curvy tanned woman with her dark hair up and orange jacket stated,"why hello there". "And last but not least...Soi Fon!" An also equally petite girl as rukia shot death glares to the crowd.(they were drooling over yoruichi)

"Now that my job is done, let's give the microphone to urahara" after doing that, a very shy shuhei hisagi gave one last goodbye," see ya, assistant out."

"Well, now let's introduce the topic of our conversations over this past week," announced a very eager urahara kisuke in a sing song voice," He is tall, lean, fifthteen and has ORANGE HAIR! He is very good looking...maybe too much for his own good. One problem and one problem only arises in his life. The whole student body is out to claim him for themselves. What's wrong with that you ask? He attends an all male school academy!" The crowd bursts into laughter, slowly dying down as the said teen is called out. "Let's welcome Kurosaki Ichigo!" (Crowd claps)

A nervous berry head walked out through the same hidden door as the host, quickly taking a seat on a long white couch right next to urahara's king size chair he is currently in. The stage isn't that big. The blonde is on the right end and ten feet away is the white couch the strawberry is seated, a few more feet away is the women's association's table. No decorations except the coffe table infront of ichigo and the stage lights.

"Well now ichigo, how long have you noticed the appearance you uphold attract other men?"

"I didn't have any idea what was happening until recently." Noted a burning red sophmore, scratching the back of his head.

"Well then, can you tell me when you found out YOU were attracted to men?" Questioned a very curious host, his fan out and covering his smirking features. "Ooooooooooooooooooo" was all that came out of the crowd, focusing their attention on a now steamed carrot top.

"I'm not! I like women okay?!" Man, all the teen wants to do is knock that ridiculous hat off his head.

"Now, now, no need to lie. We have a witness stating they saw you getting all TOO familar with a certain student named Grimmjow Jaeger Jaques."

"Oooooooooooooo"the crowd once more interjects.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"There are also rumors going around that, at that time, He was dating a gorgeous teen named Neliel who had a mental break down finding out about your little makeout session behind the bleachers. All of her self confidence was destroyed afterwards."

"You suck carrot top!" Screamed one of the regulars who appeared in the audience of the show.

"What! I didn't do anything bad with grimmjow! And nel is my childhood friend' I wil NEVER hurt her!"

"Is that the excuse you used when she found you two in bed at a nearby party you DIDN'T invite her to?"

"Oooooooooooo" (crowd)

"You don't know anything you jackass! It was a misunderstanding!"

"And how did your mother die kurosaki?"

Silence over took the room as the blonde quickly saw he went out of line. "My dearest apologies kurosaki, I went too far. Well, time is up, see you tomorrow when we bring out grimmjow and nel for their part of the situation. We also find out something interesting about grimmjow's childhood friend, ulquiorra chiffer. See you back!"

Rukia: "Go chappy!"

Yachiru:" ken-chan!I'm on tv! Hehehe"

Soi fon:"I will kill you all"

BACK STAGE

"kurosaki...urahara gives his deepest apologies for what he has said earlier on the show. He realizes he was out of line and would be gratefull to receive your forgiveness." States a very sympathetic kiyone as approaching him.

All ichigo manages to do is keep his head down as he leaves through the nearest exit. He didn't notice a petite sadist was following him, who soon whitnessed him crying out in frustrated anger as remembering he was the reason his mother died. "What the hell do you think you are doing kurosaki?" She asked while finally getting his attention.

"Leave me the hell alone."

"Why should I? So you can continue being a whimp and cry over your dead mother?"

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANY THING!" Shouted ichigo, as loud as he could, causing his lungs to burn inside.

"I don't care. Your mother is dead! She is resting in peace! Now stop sulking around, even if it was your fault, she would want you to live in peace. What will she think when she finds out you, her only son, is such a cry baby?"

"How did you-"

"Doesn't matter! If you are really so pissed off at kisuke, then get him back. Give him a show he will never forget ,kurosaki." Just as she turned away to leave, he stopped her.

"Ichigo...my name is Ichigo. Yours?"

"Rukia kuchiki" she states and finally walks off.

'Rukia'

SORRY FOR MAKING KISUKE A DICK. BUT THERE IS A PURPOSE. ANYWAY, NEXT CHAPTER HAS SOME JUICY DETAILS ABOUT ICHIGO AND GRIMMJOW'S FIRST ENCOUNTER. ALSO TALKS ABOUT ULQUIORRA'S FEELINGS FOR GRIMM. TILL NEXT TIME. PLEASE REVIEW.


	2. Chapter 2

HELLO, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED CHAPTER ONE. HERE IS CHAPTER :WHEN RUKIA MENTIONS ANIME, SHE BRINGS UP BLEACH. THAT IS BECAUSE ALL OF THE CHARACTERS IN THIS FANFIC ARE REGULAR EVERYDAY PEOPLE. NOT SOULREAPERS OR ESPADAS

Disclaimer: I don't own bleach, its characters, or maid sama and its costume designs.

Warning: foul language that shouldn't be heard for 16year olds or younger! Must be 17!

CHAPTER TWO:day one

grimm/ichi part 1

Before filming, backstage

"Grimmjow, nice to meet you! Welcome to my show, I hope we can get along just fine." 'Oh...how fun today's shoot will be. They don't know what is in store for them' thought a very sly kisuke while shaking the teal man's hand. "Yeah,yeah, now where the hell is my berry? I only came because I heard he would be around."

"Oh my, kurosaki isn't here yet. You can wait for him in the lounge and I will send him there when he arrives." Sang urahara while leading the way to their destination.

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"Ichigo! Kisuke bastard wants to see you in the lounge." Announced a very anoyed rukia kuchiki wearing the maid outfit from 'kaicho wa maid sama'. "What the hell are you wearing rukia? What's up with the cosplay?"

"We all have to dress up as anime characters this whole week, its different for each project though, last case we had to dress up as horror movie seriel killers. I was micheal myers and rangiku was fredy. She had forgoten to get fake knifes for her fingers, so she took some poki and taped them to ...her...nipples." explained a very uncomfortable womens association member, nearly red and on the vurge of getting a nose bleed. "That was something I could have lived without knowing rukia," stated a dazed berry haired teen, also on that vurge. "Anyways, why the hell did you have to pick a maid?"

"What else would I be? That lazy bump of an espada who does nothing but sleep from bleach?" Huffed a pissed off woman, offended at what ichigo is saying,"what? Do I not look good?"

"Actually," ichigo started eyeing rukia up and down, seeing her sparkle,"you look pretty cute." He then turned his head the other way and scratched the back of his neck. Dark red was smeared all over his facail features, embaressment VERY obvious. Rukia also blushed after the opinion he gave, then soon remembered why the hell she was called for him.

"Anyway, get your ass to the lounge! Urahara has something to discuss with you."

"What the hell does that asshole want?"

"How should I know? Now just go already and find out. Idiot."

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"Oi, urahara! What the hell do you want from me?"

The lounge was cold dark and empty. Light came through the squared window straight across the entrance. Long white tables/ benches block a path to it, a small coffee area in the far right corner of the room, while white plain walls entrap everything inside. "Where the hell did that bastard go?"

"Who?" Ichigo jumped back at the sudden voice behind him. A muscular, sexy, teal haired predator slowly creeking the door shut started inching closer to its prey. The strawberry stiffened and was frozen, he could do nothing but a low gulp as realization hit him. "Grimmjow?"

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(During the show)

"Now welcome back folks! Here is today's special guest, give a warm welcome to neliel tu oderschvank!"

(Crowd cheers and aplauds)

A green haired godess appeared from behind some random bookshelf in the back of the crowd. She wore a black veil brides v-neck(hardly noticable due to her big juggs), light blue jean skinnie jeans, and some black/white vans. Her hair was pulled back in a pony tail, leaving her bangs out that have now been recently curled. She walked past the fans waving happily and smiling brightly. She took her seat at the couch, then wondering where her best friend was asked,"Where's itsygo?"

"Awwwwwwwwwwwww" the crowd noises at her unbearable cuteness

"Well neliel, I can't seem to find grimmjow either."

"Damn" curses rukia under her breath, already catching up with what urahara is getting at.

"Let's pull down the white screen and see where they are at, shall we?"now staring to sing out his sentences.

Shuhei does as told and uses the projector to view what is on the screen above the blonde host, now currently hiding a smirk behind his fan. The crowd gasps loudy at what their eyes are telling them. Ichigo is on his back(struggling)under a very hungry grimmjow nibbling on his neck, they lay on one of the empty tables. Grimmjow's pants are fallen onto the ground, as he trys to unbuckle ichigo's. "Get the hell off me grimm! That fucking hurts!" Was all he said as shuhei appeared at the scene, informing them what is going on. Ichigo cursed loudy knowing what everyone had just saw and also at how urahara will some how make him the bad guy.

"Welcome you two, glad to see you decided to join us kurosaki-kun. You too ...grimm?" Teases an over joyed host bastard as the two gossip subjects take their spots at the couch.

"Itsygo! Are you okay? Meanie grimm didn't do anything to harm you right?"

"You're not angry neliel? You just whitnessed your best friend and your ex-boyfriend once again going at it since the party! You have such a good heart."

"What is he talking about itsygo?"

"I honestly have no idea, don't be fooled by him nel."

"Well now, grimmjow, how did ichigo and you meet?"

" well, it was obvious! He wanted a quick fuck and afterwards we decided to make it a daily thing."

"Oooooooooooooo" (crowd)

"T-thats not true! He's lying!"

"Well then ichigo, care to elaberate for us?" Urahara then puts his plan into motion, too bad the other didn't notice.

"It started freshmen year! That asshole groped me from behind the first day of class."

Flashback

I was introduced to my class because I was an hour late. "I'm ichigo kurosaki, nice to meet you all." The teacher sat me in the back row, next to some pink haired dude named szayel and some green eyed teen named ulquiorra. Ulquiorra wasn't much of a talkative person and szayel...well, he was the type to never stay silent. During fourth period is when he showed up. He came into class, scaned the room, waltzed up to my desk and draged me out holding onto my elbow. He took me to the gym, behind the bleachers, and that bastard started unbuckling my pants! He groped my ass!

End of flashback

"It seems that you enjoyed it kurosaki." Urahara starts counting down in his head how long until ulquiorra arrives.

"Ofcourse he did. That little slut can't keep shit in his pants. Not that I mind though."

"I can't keep WHAT in my pants? You're one to talk! You won't stop harassing me!"

"So grimmjow, how long have you and kurosaki had this rendevouz going on?" (Urahara)

"We had nothing going on!" Interupted the angry berry. "I'm the victim here!"

"I don't keep track about the shit we do. Ask him, he loves it so much he begs for a second round."

"Oooooooooooooooooooo"(crowd)

"How the hell is punching you in the gut and screaming at you to leave me alone wanting a second round?! AND WE NEVER EVEN HAD A FIRST ROUND!"

"That's only because that little stalker of yours keeps interupting us. Little fucker doesn't even know how to take a hint."

Urahara was now just sitting back and watching the secrets unfold, hoping one is good enough to use for tomorrow's appearance.

"Shut the hell up, he only comes and finds me because he KNOWS you are trying to do something perverted me!"

"How the hell do you think he KNOWS WHERE YOU ARE ALL THE TIME ICHI? Oh, I know!, CUZ HES A FUCKING STALKER!"

"Itsygo, grimmy is scaring me!" Nel then holds onto ichigo's arm in a tight embrace, this angers the cat like senior, causing him to lash out in response.

"Who the hell do you think you are touching slut?" (Grimmjow)

"Itsygo!grimm is calling me names!"

"That's only because you are all up on my berry! NOW BACK OFF!"

"Who the hell said I was your berry!"(ichigo)

"I did when we had sex at orihime's christmas party!"

"Oooooooooooooooo"(crowd once again)

"We didn't do SHIT there! I had to kick you in the balls to get the hell off of me!"

"Only because your virgin ass is too much of a pussy to let me enter you!"

(Crowd gasps loudly)

Urahara, now pleased with this found information, quickly sings a break time,"Well look at that! Ichigo wasn't sleeping with grimmjow...because he is a VIRGIN! More is going on tonight when we come back from break, ulquiorra chiffer will arrive and tell us how it was sitting next to our orange haired teen up until now. Also, we will bring a little damsel here to see how its like to have a crush on kurosaki for TWO YEARS, and get dumped cruely infront of the ENTIRE SCHOOL! Well, any comments coming from women's association?

"HEY! What the hell is going?!" Shouted a frustrated ichigo as nel trys to calm him down."its okay itsygo! Nel will come up with something!" She then salutes to the camera as it turns to rukia's table.

Soi fon:" this is all pointless"

Yoruichi:" please don't forget to knee kisuke in that certain sweet spot before resting."

Yachiru: "ken-chan, ken-chan' I'm on tv again! Hehehe come and play with us!"

Unohana:"I seem to not have any insite"

Kiyone:" if you are watching ,ukitake sensei, then I hope you feel better and relieved of your cold." Thumbs up

Rukia:"ichigo, that damn idiot."

Urahara: "well, we will be right back after break." Smiles, being humorously entertained.

Backstage

"Ichigo! What the hell is wrong with you? First you fall for that stupid trick in the cast lounge, and now you let him minipulate you into telling him you're a virgin! How can you not see that all he wanted was to get something interesting out and use it for some kind of continuation on a scumb show like this?! Even the other subjects weren't as stupid as you! I thought you wanted him to leave you the hell alone!" Shouted a pissed off rukia, lashing out at a the strawberry in the parking lot.

"Of course I do! I just don't know how to handle him!"

"Well you better find the fuck out if you don't want your life ruined by that jackass!" She then storms back into the building for her dance number that is coming up. Ichigo just stays out to clear his head, not knowing urahara purposely locked him out xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxx

SORRY, THE ULQUIORRA APPEARANCE IS IN THE NEXT CHAPTER...ALSO THE DANCE NUMBER..PLEASE REVIEW AND HOPFULLY YOU WOULD READ CHAPTER 3 BYE


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